Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Hairspray & Zongo from The Grand Pa Box

Greetings, LBRs, how's it goin' out there in Readerville today?  Here in Writerville we are still barely bumpin' along.  Our energy ebb continues unabated.  It seems we have caught a summer cold (AKA: virus).  We all know how that goes, now don't we?  Runny noses, watery eyes and ZERO energy!  Oh well, this too shall pass.

We did manage to be somewhat productive yesterday and actually cleaned our desk.  Cleaning a desk is a perfect activity for someone with zero energy.  This inspired Susun to process paperwork.  What an exciting day!  Actually, the blog author did manage to spend two hours at the shooting range and we think we've finally debugged the Bonomo Custom 1911.  We'll know tonight when we compete once again in the "Combat Defensive Pistol" division of our weekly IDPA pistol shooting match.

Susun went to her Doc/Dentist yesterday morning and got a glowing report on the progress of her oral surgery.  That's very encouraging news and she is very happy about it.  Way to Go, Sweetie!

There's really not much to chit-chat about today so we thought we'd go off on a tangent this morning.

First up is a report on our Google Voice thingie.  Google offers a seemingly endless array of digital toys to entertain the world-at-large.  One of those toys is called Google Voice.  Here's how it works:  First, you have to get a Google Voice number.  That's a fun process.  We went through over 100 numbers before finding one that appealed to our pedestrian interest in numerology.  Next, you link that Google Voice number to ANY phone you care to link to.  What this means is that we can have an unlimited number of pre-paid cell phones from XYZ different carriers while still maintaining the same, rock-solid 208 phone number.  Callers have no clue that by calling our 208-557-96XX phone number they are actually reaching a 928-399-96XX phone number.  It's magic.  Now here's the best part:  Google Voice actually takes voice mail and TRANSCRIBES the message and sends it to your Gmail inbox.  Honest.  Now that's beyond magic--that's voodoo.  There's a catch.  The Google Voice transcribers are either a bunch of deranged squirrels or hillbilly cousins of Alvin The Chipmunk.  It's a real stretch to read a Google Voice transcription and make sense out of it.  Here is a case in point.  Below in italics is a Google Voice message we received late yesterday afternoon:

Yeah, John this is deal with leather works. Rich want me to give you a call let you know that if you're Hairspray holster the prototype. Is Finished up. She's got a couple different designs. And when you come on man. I just wanted to run a few things past you and see kinda what direction wants to build. So anyways, will be talking to you very soon. Thank you.

OK, now, Class what does this actually mean?  What is the deal with a Hairspray holster?  Our first clue is that Google Voice actually got the "leather works" correctly.  That's the name of a real business.  The second is that "Hairspray" rhymes with "Bear Spray."  OK, now we're beginning to get the picture.
"Rich" is actually "Rachel" and it sounds like our long-awaited 2nd rendition of the bear spray holster is finished up and awaiting our second round of field testing.  This is big news.  We thought you would enjoy this goofy little vignette.  We actually have to deal with these nonsensical transcriptions several times a day each day.  Yesterday's juxtaposition of Hairspray with bear spray made us LOL.  Come to think of it, maybe there might be a market for a Hairspray holster.  Hum...

OK, the next story involves Zongo.  We don't often read our monthly AARP bulletin.  However, being under the weather, so to speak, we actually used the AARP bulletin to fall asleep for an afternoon nap yesterday.  Before we nodded off, we read a hilarious story about Zongo, the perpetrator of yet another Nigerian 419 scam. Check out this verbatim quote from the article that appeared in the normally staid ol' AARP bulletin:

Mr. Dawa, I am a 55-year-old businessman in the U.S. who never smiles, willing to assist you. But before we proceed, I must admit that I am currently embezzling funds from my employer to start my own business venture — setting up squirrel farms to harvest an enzyme in their livers. I will produce supplements, falsely claiming this enzyme is the secret to their energy. This enterprise — Nutso Nutritionals — will make you, your client and me millionaires! But first, I must know two things: Are you comfortable dealing with someone of my criminal nature? And what assurances do I have that you are not a scammer?

You have to read the whole thing yourself to get the full flavor of the article.  You can click here to do so.  Don't worry, the link takes you to safe haven on the AARP website.

And, finally, our local daily newspaper includes a vignette this morning from Victorville, California.  A motorcyclist read-ended a minivan and was thrown through the rear window mostly uninjured.  The driver continued driving and pulled into his own driveway unaware that he had a new backseat passenger.  You can click here to read the story.

That's All, Folks!  Have a great day & Many Cheers, jp 


Marti Spudboater said...

The google voice dude sounds like a Puerto Rican New Yorker from the Jets or the Blacks in West Side Story. see, even Google has a sense of humor.

And if you re-read your post, some of your own early morning typos are equally amusing.

Love and hugs, from the soon to be VERY hot side of Idaho.

Maggie said...

Sounds like I should be paid more for my transcription work. I did work for a bird specialist at a vet school In Mississippi who told me a girl once typed that the "parakeet should be on a diet of grits and gravy" and not "grit and gravel". It's hard work! Try typing for an Iranian pathologist! That was my first job! Love your story.